


Goat

by THEAwesomePerson



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:30:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/THEAwesomePerson/pseuds/THEAwesomePerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I need to cry.<br/>I need to write it out because if I don't- I'll break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I still love you.  
I'm in love with you.  
I am so madly in love with you that I'm crying as I type down these words.

I love you so much.  
I love you with every ounce of my body  
every drop of regret  
every tear of sadness  
every shadow of joy

 ~~Why?~~ Who? Thats the question that comes to mind.

I need someone to hate.  
I need someone to despise.  
Because I told you.  
I'd rather be angry than sad.  
I'd rather be indifferent than love.

Because I was lying when I said I was lying to myself.  
I really loved you.  
Love you.  
Still.  
I love you still.

 

 

and thats why I'm breaking up with you.  
because if I I don't have the courage now  
determination  
strength  
willpower

then when?

 

when I've spent more time with you?  
when I've tasted more of the forever I could've had?  
when I've lost myself more in living in the moment thats ours?  
when I've shuddered too many times to the pure ecstasy you're bringing?  
when I've rid myself of my beliefs just to make you see how precious you are to me?  
when I'd sooner cut my veins open than let a day pass knowing you're not mine and I'm not yours?

 

no  
not then  
please  
not then  
  
so now


	2. Livid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was just thinking of letting you be the one to end it.  
> to soften the blow  
>   
> I didn't know you wanted to swing the bat so soon yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture of the two of you is a slap in my face.

Anger.  
thats what I wanted right  
got what I wanted  
so why do I feel this empty  
  
I told you I'd rather be angry than sad.  
Bravo. You were able to comply.  
  
I almost can't believe it.  
Almost.  
I can though because you're not the same.  
They've changed you.  
They've molded you to fit their twisted world so that they'll have the false sense of comfort.  
And you let them.  
  
How could you? How could you tell me that I know not how to love one minute and then beg for me to stay the next? How could you indirectly tell me that my age has something to do with the way I perceive life, with my beliefs and choices, with how I want to be who I am? How could you tell me that you enjoy promiscuity and still expect me to stay?  
  
When I told you I was in love with you I meant it. I meant it both times though in varying degrees. I wouldn't waste my first on you if I was just going to use you.  
  
I did though. I wanted to just use you. I wanted to arrange it all to get rid of you or fall for you and put myself in your shoes. I succeeded but failed, I think. I didn't win but you lost.  
  
You lost yourself. You're losing me.  
  
I can't believe you're just making the decision this easy. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the beginning of the end  
> the end of our one month long experience as titled ~~lovers~~ sweethearts  
>  and the end of our 6 year long artisan glass figurine relationship


End file.
